As a PHEWMAN (Planet-destroying, Home-hogging, Elder White Male, Aka Non-person) I know my current mission, whether I choose to accept it or not, is to get out of the road and die as soon as possible. However, for the benefit of historians and alien colonists, I will continue to leave cryptic notes like this until a millennial sneezes on me.

My previous rave on Cancel Culture having caused outrage and comment from no-one to date, I continue my odyssey into irrelevance with a few words on Political Correctness. As a PHEWMAN, it is clearly a status I will, by definition, never achieve but I’m nothing if not aspirational, so here goes.

Borrowing heavily (i.e. plagiarising) from George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’, these seem to be The Commandments of Political Correctness.

• All people are equal, but some are more equal than others and are tasked with getting the others in line.
• Whoever agrees with me is a friend, until I cancel them for getting out of line.
• No person shall wear clothes that don’t look they come from an op-shop rather than a sweat-shop.
• No person shall have a home until all people have a home that completes them as a person.
• No person shall drink alcohol or take any other substance that disguises the fact that everything in the world is evil.
• No person shall kill any other person without taking into account gender equity, race, ethnicity, sexuality and religious quotas.
• Vegans good, carnivores bad.
• The only good PHEWMAN is a dead one who’s left me something in his will.
• If you speak your mind, fierce, growling dogs will tear you to pieces, after you have confessed to your shocking crimes, including speaking your mind.
• If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear, incessantly and sanctimoniously.

So, watch how you go out there.